


the truth is just a piece of coal dressed as gold

by sasqwitch



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Other, Paranormal, absolutely self indulgent, aka my ideal date night, alternate universe- late night radio hosts, spooky things happen but also flirty things, the king falls AM AU that no one asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 05:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18243497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasqwitch/pseuds/sasqwitch
Summary: Amongst their many entertainment properties, the Kanagawas own and operate a tiny AM radio station. Rex Glass is a replacement DJ while Cecil is too busy to deal with the late night show, and producer Juno has to put up with him and a host of annoying callers (also known as his friends). Because this is Hyperion City, strange & horrifying things happen and the co-hosts have to figure out how to deal with the consequences.important: you don't have to have listened to King Falls AM for this au to make sense.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this idea has been haunting me for so very long... not even that i ship Ben and Sammy from KFAM but i just really wanted to see Juno & Peter in this situation. is there even radio in the Junoverse? whomst is to say!
> 
> title is from "Tightrope" by Petal, which is a Very Jupeter Song (tm)

_" Good evening. You're listening to Hyperion AM, Hyperion City's last remaining AM radio station. This is Rex Glass, filling in for Cecil Kanagawa. Cecil is... a little tied up with some new acquisitions at the moment, so I will be guiding you through the deep, dark night for the time being."_

Peter smiles into the mic, despite his exhaustion. When he'd decided to win the favor of Hyperion City's most illustrious entertainment/criminal dynasty, this was not exactly what he had in mind. "Late night radio host" is far from the least glamourous cover he'd had to construct, but that didn't make the odd hours any more enticing. Still, it virtually guaranteed his anonymity; who in their right mind still listened to AM radio?

As the synth-laden intro music for Cecil's usual show echoes in his headphones, he surveys what passes for a radio station these days. God, what a sight it is: wood paneling everywhere, and equipment that seemed to be decades out of date at the very least. It feels more like the basement of some abandoned house right out of the Kanagawa's horror flicks than a respectable studio. And yet, he has to make the best of it for however long it takes to gain their trust and pilfer what he needs from Croesus' collection, so he may as well have fun while he's locked in here.

_"Let it not be said that the Kanagawas don't take care of people in their employ! Tonight –and hopefully every night for the duration of my stay– I'm joined in-studio by my lovely producer Juno, who I caught trying to sneak out of the station window not five minutes ago!"_

_"Cecil didn't tell me anything about booking a cover."_

_"Ah, well that explains half of the predicament you find yourself in. Tell me, Juno: do you usually leave the workplace through the window? You'll have to show me more of your strange customs, perhaps after our shift is over tonight."_

_"Just focus on the show, Glass."_

_"Please, call me Rex! This hour lends nothing to formality. And besides, I am focused on the show! I've just arrived in Hyperion, who better to show me the ins and outs of living here than a local lady such as yourself?"_

_"Look, **Rex,** I may have a face for radio but I sure don't have the voice for it."_

_"Oh, give yourself some credit! Your voice is lovely, and your face is lovelier, if possible. Listeners, you can't see this, but trust me when I tell you my producer puts stream stars to shame with his rugged good looks."_

In the seat next to him, Juno squirms. Peter turns his grin to his producer-turned-unwilling cohost, so clearly unused to direct admiration. Well, he'd just have to fix that, wouldn't he?

_"That's enough Glass. Why don't we pay some bills?"_

_"An excellent suggestion. Dear listeners, we'll be right back to take your calls after the break. Don't touch that dial."_

Juno hits a button on the soundboard in front of him, cuing the theatrics of the Saffron Prince selling the latest placebo that will _"change your life, guaranteed!"_ , and turns to Peter with a huff.

"You mind filling me in on what you're trying to do here?" There's no hint of a smile in his eyes.

"Oh, just trying to make interesting radio. I don't presume to flatter myself by thinking the lovely people of Hyperion City will be entertained by listening to my voice alone. I'm no Cecil Kanagawa, and you're contractually obligated to be here just as much as I am, so I thought, why not?" Peter smiles again, showing all of his teeth. "And anyway, this position was thrust upon me rather last minute; I don't have anything planned as of yet, and I've very little time to do so. Besides, I have a feeling you and I will work... very well together."

Juno blushes, and mutters something about adjusting sound levels before turning back to the board. Peter takes this as a sort of victory; his co-host had managed to curry favor with their bosses somehow, and a partnership could only help. Besides, he hadn't been lying: Juno Steel is a very attractive lady. His mind conjures images of late nights in the studio turning into early mornings, the red glow of sunrise dancing across expanses of Juno's skin as he pins him to every spare surface, whispering sweet nothings with a voice made for radio and hearing broken moans in reply... Yes, this could turn into a better arrangement than he'd previously thought.

_"Welcome back, lovely people of Hyperion! So glad you could join us on this very fine evening. If you've just joined us, I'm Rex Glass subbing in for Cecil Kanagawa, and sitting next to me is my producer, Juno. Now, being that I'm new to your fair city, I'd love for you to call in and tell me what it is you love about living here, and maybe send some recommendations for restaurants open late. I've a feeling I'll need a bite to eat after I leave here today."_

_"I wouldn't exactly call Hyperion City 'fair', Glass."_

_"Really? Some would say it's the most beautiful place in the galaxy!"_

_"The rest of us just live here."_

_"I see! How fascinating. Listeners, weigh in: is Hyperion City all it's cracked up to be? Call us at 000-587-3857 and set the record straight."_

_"Board's already lit up. You care which line?"_

_"Not at all; Lady's choice."_

_Juno clears his throat._

_"Alright, Lucky line number seven. You're live."_

_"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Mistah Glass. You ain't met me yet but you're gonna, I work for the station manager, Franny." A voice rings out through their headphones, and Juno scrambles to lower the volume._

_"You're also supposed to be **my** assistant, Rita. What happened to that plan?"_

_"If you remember, boss, you kept tellin' me to go home and get some rest, in fact don't even come in at all, because you're just fine on your own and besides you don't need me followin' you around and interferin' in important station business."_

_"Why, Juno! You absolute brute. Ms. Rita, if you choose to return to the station anytime soon you have my word as a radio professional that I won't allow such treatment."_

_"Oh, don't you worry, Mistah Steel can't scare me off even if he wanted to! But it sure is nice to be workin' with such a gentleman!"_

_"I assure you, the pleasure is all mine. So, Ms. Rita, what is it that you love about Hyperion City?"_

_"Well, gee, I never really thought about it before. Cause I grew up here, you know? It's my home, and even if it's grimy and gross and there are a lot of no-good very bad people here, at least at the end of the day I have a warm bed to get back to in an apartment that's all my own. And that's just enough for me! A nice place to call home in a neighborhood that only gets a few muggings a week, and most of the time if you're real nice to the muggers they'll give ya back your stuff anyways, because everyone appreciates a little compassion every once in a while. And sure, there're probably better places to live but movin' is such a hassle and all my friends are already here anyways! Like Franny, and Mistah Steel!"_

Peter feels his throat constrict as this Rita person continues chattering about the place she calls home, and tries to push down any memories of Brahma that float to the surface. The very idea of settling into a place, staying long enough to let its grime and grit collect under your fingernails, and building a home somewhere outside yourself wasn't one he allowed himself to consider very often. No, better to live out among the stars, living a life of travel and excitement and never letting your past catch up to you because who has the time to face all those demons? Still, the love in her voice– not to mention the twinkle in his co-host's eyes– made it hard to resist a little wistfulness.

_"...And anyway, there's a falafel place about two blocks from the station that's open real late that Mistah Steel and I go to a lot. Just tell them you know your good pal Rita and they should at LEAST give you some extra tahini."_

_"Alright Rita, that's enough. You wanna chat with me and Rex over here, you gotta come into the office."_

_"But Mistah Steeeeeeee––"_

_A click, then a dial tone._

_"Awfully impolite to hang up on your assistant, Juno. And when she was being so helpful, too."_

_"She's used to it. Next caller. Line three, you're go for Juno and Rex."_

Juno, sweet thing that he is, cuts his eyes at Peter after that charming introduction. Oh, this is far too easy. Peter winks back at him, and he could swear his producer jumps a little in his seat.

_"Hiya, Jay! Am I on the air? Neat!"_

_"What do you want, Mercury." Juno's eyeroll is almost audible._

_"I just wanna say 'hey' to your new buddy, Rex! And vouch for what Rita said. That falafel place is really good."_

_"Well, 'hey' yourself Mr..."_

_"Mercury! Mick Mercury. Jay and I grew up together! He was a real pain in the–"_

_"ALRIGHT Mercury. Don't go airing our dirty laundry for the whole city to hear."_

_"Juno, buddy, you know I love ya, but I really don't think the whole city is listening to your show. I barely listen to it, and I'm one of your best friends!"_

_"We have plenty of listeners."_

_"And rest assured, lovely listeners of whom we speak, Juno here looks just as dashing sullen as he does flustered."_

_"Good thing too, 'cause that's how he looks all the time."_

_"GOODNIGHT MICK." Another click, and a dial tone. "Okay. Okay. If any more of you are calling in to hassle me or talk about the falafel place around the corner, you can go ahead and hang up now."_

_"Not that I would dare to tell you how to do your job, but half of those callers seem to have hung up."_

_"Whatever. Line... uh.... line nine, please say something nice or don't say anything at all."_

_"I don't pay you to sit around and complain, Steel. You'd better be doing your **actual** job in between flirting and bitching."_

_"Well if it isn't the man himself! Listeners, we have a bona fide celebrity calling in tonight. What can we do for you, Croesus?"_

In his periphery, Peter could see Juno motioning violently for him to stop. He's not a fool– far from it. He'd done a frankly ridiculous amount of research on the patriarch of the Kanagawa empire, and had formulated Rex Glass to be the epitome of everything he'd appreciate in a subordinate. Cute that Juno thought he could save him, though. He filed loyalty into the growing list of charming traits his co-host had. That could come in handy later, and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't sexy as hell. The idea of Juno taking a stand for him, for anyone, was certainly very appealing.

_"I just wanted to make sure my idiot son's show wasn't suffering while he's off looking at torture devices. I understand this was a last minute hire, but you really should have more of a plan for the next show. If the show suffers, the Kanagawa name suffers, and you two suffer. Am I making myself clear?"_

_"As crystal! Rest assured, the next time you hear our dulcet tones on the airwaves, we'll have plans aplenty. I know I'm working on some... ideas for Mr. Steel and myself right this very moment." A pause, while he grins at Juno. "But while we have you, Croesus, what are you doing up so late on this beautiful evening?"_

_"Can't I just be interested in how Cecil's show is doing in his absence?" A pause, while all parties consider the likelihood of that scenario. "No, I suppose not. Well, not that alone, anyway. I happen to have obtained something of a... well a rare artifact in the process of producing a special about Ancient Martians."_

_"Is that so? Please, do elaborate on that!"_

_"It's the Death Mask of Grimpotheuthis. Highly precious, highly valuable. It's beautiful, and horrifying. I mean, can you picture the thing that would've worn this? Utterly terrifying."_

_"Incredible! If you can, would you be willing to describe it for our listeners?"_

_"Sure, why not? It's got–– hold on." A lengthy pause. "The case! The case is open!"_

_"You don't say!"_

_"Who–– What!"_

_There's a clatter as Croesus drops his comms to investigate the open case. Footsteps, unintelligible speech, and finally– a door opening. A raised voice, barely audible, comes through the discarded comms._

_"There you are! What the HELL is this contract? We TALKED about this."_

_"What are you talking about? Nevermind that. Someone's been in here!"_

_"Yeah, YOU. You've been in here all day staring at that stupid mask! I can't believe you're going back on your word like this."_

_"There are only a few people who can open this case, [name unintelligible]."_

_"What are you accusing me of?"_

_"Why would you open the case?"_

_"Unbelievable! You're just trying to... to distract me! You can't keep treating me like this. I was almost free, and you STOLE my FUTURE from me! How could––"_

_The speaker is cut off by Croesus' screaming. The crunch of bones, followed by a sickening squelch._

_"Oh my God. Oh my God. I have to get out of here." Running footsteps, slowly fading. Then, a dial tone._

"Holy shit." Juno mutters, eyes wide in a frozen expression of shock and disgust.

"Indeed." Peter can hardly believe it himself. A high-profile murder, broadcast on air? This makes for an interesting turn of events, not to mention making his job that much harder. Grim's mask is much less accessible now that it will be evidence in a formal investigation.

"I cut the feed. There's... uh... it's just dead air right now. Should–Should we go back on?" Juno asks, hands shaking minutely as his fingers hover above the button. He's ghostly pale, and looks like he might lose whatever late night snack he'd indulged in before coming in for work. The poor, delicate flower.  

"Up to you, Juno. You're the producer, after all." Peter says, careful to keep his voice as gentle as possible.

"Right. Right. Yeah, I guess I am."

_"Sorry about that folks. Uh, not really sure what to say about that. I'm dialing Min Kanagawa now, and I sent word to the HCPD that they need to high-tail it over to the mansion, pronto. We're gonna end the show a little early tonight, to take care of some..." A pause, as he considers how to phrase this. "housekeeping. Have... uh... have a good night."_

_"Pleasant dreams, Hyperion City. This is Rex Glass and Juno Steel, signing off."_

"Pleasant dreams? Really? I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a month." Juno mutters, removing his headphones and massaging the life back into his ears.

"Better than 'housekeeping', Juno dear. I mean, can you even imagine the cleanup for what we just heard?" Peter says, wincing as the words leave his mouth.

"Yeah. You know, I don't think I want that falafel anymore."

"No, nor do I. But from the sounds of things, we'll have plenty of time to revisit that option."

"How do you figure?"

"Are you so cold-hearted as to think Cecil would return to the show that heard his father apparently murdered live on air?"  

"I guess not." Juno says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Guess I'll be seeing more of you."

"And I look forward to the sight." Peter stands, taking no small joy in how much he towers over his co-host. And, judging by the once-over Juno gives  him, the feeling is mutual. "Now, Juno. Don't you have a call to make?"

"Right. Right! Min. I'll, uh, I'll see you around."

"Goodnight, Juno. Despite all the unpleasantness, I do hope you get some rest. You look like you could use it." With that, Peter glides out of the studio, practically walking on air.

So this operation would take a little longer than previously anticipated. Where else did he have to be? A quick call to his employer, his **real** employer, would allow him to stay where he was and give him ample opportunity to get closer to a certain producer.

This would be more interesting than he thought.

"Incredible!" He whispers, into the cool, artificial humidity of Hyperion City at night. "Incredible."


	2. Chapter 2

_“–– And I just know, in my heart of hearts, that Daddy’s killer will be captured and all will be set right once more!”_

Cecil Kanagawa’s pre-recorded message ends with him dissolving into theatrical sobs. Peter chews thoughtfully on his pen to avoid rolling his eyes. It wasn’t that he was insensitive, per se, but this is the third time he’d heard it that evening and it was beginning to grate on his senses. Not to mention, he’d lost several hours of precious beauty sleep to amending his plans since last they were on the air. He could practically feel the bags underneath his eyes drooping further towards the floor with every passing second. Although, judging by the way Juno keeps glancing at him, it didn’t compromise too much of his overall appeal.

_“A moving message from a bereaved son. For those of you just joining us, that was Cecil Kanagawa, in a statement released early yesterday morning following the death of his father on this very show. Terrifying stuff, if I may say so myself. Positively grisly. Tell me, Juno, how are you holding up?”_

_“I’m alright.”_

_“So brave, even in the face of danger! How very admirable. Were you always so stoic? I’ll admit I do enjoy picturing you as a child, all big, surly eyes and weighed down by giant headphones.”_

_A silence._

_“You don’t live in this city for as long as I have without developing a strong stomach.”_

_“Just so! Not all of us can boast such a hard-knock upbringing as you keep alluding to.”_

Peter laughs musically, trying to ignore the hard-scrabbling image of himself as a child. Rex Glass had a posh, comfortable upbringing; he knew nothing of lasers shooting from the sky and mangled parental legacies. Most days he could push every thought of Brahma out of his head, but something about Juno Steel brings all those memories simmering to the surface.

_“I wonder if we’d have been friends as children, Juno. Or in school, even. I’m afraid I was something of a bookworm in those days, you see. I’m sure you’d barely deign to speak to me in the halls.”_

_“We probably would’ve run in different circles.”_

_“I’m sure I’d have had an insufferable crush on you, then. I can just see it now. It’d have been the stuff great streams are made of.”_

_Juno clears his throat._

_“You sure have a vivid imagination, Glass.”_

_“One of my many fine qualities to be sure. You should see that imagination put to use.” He winks at Juno._

_“It... uh... looks like we’ve got a caller. Line one, what can we do for you?”_

_“I wasn’t aware we were taking calls yet, Juno.”_

_“LINE ONE.”_

_“Hiiiiiiiiiiiii fellas. It’s me! RRRRRRRita!”_

_“Well hello again, Ms. Rita! What can we do for you today?”_

_“Oh, nothin’. Mistah Steel just texted me to save him, so here I am! Rita to the rescue!”_

_“Is that so?” Peter smiles wolfishly into the microphone, as Juno sputters._

_“What part of covert operations do you not get!?”_

_“You didn’t say anything about covert, boss!”  
“It was implied.”_

_“Well, regardless, it is a delight to hear from you. Although I do wonder what Juno here thinks he needed saving from.”_

_“You can’t prove a thing. Either of you. Stop conspiring against me.”_

_“Conspiring! Listen to him. How can you conspire with someone you’ve never met?”_

_“Yeah! Besides it doesn’t_ sound _like you need much savin’.” Rita giggles._

_“You are the worst assistant in the world, Rita.”_

_“Now don’t you make me come down there, Mistah Steel. I ain’t afraid of a little dust up!”_

_“Okay, I’m hanging up now. Bye, Rita.”_

_“Don’t you DARE––“ Click. Dial tone._

_“Juno, you fiend!”_

_“Relax, Glass. She’s not gonna come down here.”_

_“And if she does? Will you protect me?”_

_“You don’t strike me as someone who needs much protecting.”_

_“But I do strike you? Good to know.”_

_“ANYWAY. Since we got the go-ahead from Cecil and Min to stay on the air, I thought we’d actually talk a little business tonight.”_

_“Oh, if you insist.”_

_“I do, actually. I’ve been doing some research, and something just doesn’t add up here.” A thunk, then the sound of pages flipping._

_“How delightfully analog! Listeners, my darling cohost has just pulled out an actual, paper notebook of all things. It is seems nearly full! Did you pull all that together since the murder?”_

_“... is it less incriminating if I say yes?”_

_“I’ll take that as a no.”_

_“Look. In my line of work, it pays to keep tabs on everything newsworthy that happens in the city. I can’t help it if my methods are a little... old school.”_

_“I see. Cronkite, Brokaw, Juno Steel.”_

_“What?”_

_“They’re– Did you not learn your Earth history?”_

_“I never paid that much attention.”_

_“Well, if you had, you’d be honored to be included in that group.”_

_“Whatever. Anyways, weird things have been happening in and around the Kanagawa family for months.”_

_“Incredible!”_

_“...stop that.”_

_“Stop what?”_

_“Stop... looking at me like that. It’s just a notebook.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about and furthermore, I refuse. You’re a regular detective, Juno Steel.”_

Juno’s scowl deepens, but before he can say anything the studio door flies open to reveal a short, stocky, angry-looking woman. The intruder marches over to the soundboard, cues commercial, and thumps Juno on the head. Hard. Peter can barely contain his laughter.

“GODDAMN IT, RITA.”

“Serves you right, hangin’ up on me like that! Honestly. For shame, Mistah Steel. For shame.”

“Allow me to apologize on his behalf. I’m afraid I bring out the worst in him.”

Rita slowly turns his direction, as if she’s just now realized he’s sitting there. He can see her taking him in, from the tousled coif of his hair to the shining point of the boots he’d tugged on a few hours prior.

“He said you were handsome but I didn’t know you looked like _that_.”

“Rita!” Juno snaps, ears turning furiously red.

“Did he now?” Peter winks at him, which only worsens his coloring. He wonders if that blush extends all the way down his chest, what he would look like flushed and sweating and––

_“Hi there folks! That’s right, there’s a special surprise guest in-studio today: me! Rita! Seeing as the regular hosts are too busy starin’ at each other, I thought I’d better step in. And wouldja look at that! Just in the nick of time, our VIP line is lit up. Hello, you’re live with Rita on Hyperion AM!”_

_“Good to see you’re making good use of valuable airtime.” Min Kanagawa’s icy tone is unmistakable._

_“OH, Hi Mrs. Kanagawa! Deepest condolences, on, well, ya know. The things. That happened.”_

_“Min.”_

_“Juno. Are you done flirting with the temp? Or do I need to send someone down there to supervise?”_

_“I assure you, Mrs. Kanagawa, we need no supervision. Rex Glass, at your service. How can we help you tonight?”_

_“We’ll see about that. I’m calling about your co-host’s... information. What he has in that notebook of his.”_

_“It’s private, Min. Not everything needs to be broadcast across the airwaves.”_

_“You’re right. Not everything, including this show that pays your rent and bar tab. I would suggest that you think strongly about refusing to cooperate.”_

_“I knew you’d find a way to hold that against me.”_

_“Just reminding you who you work for. If you don’t want to read the contents of that notebook on air, you can send them to me directly. I want all the best minds in Hyperion on this, and we all know how the HCPD can be. You more than most. Just because they didn’t recognize your talents doesn’t mean none of us do.”_

_“Aw, Min. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was a compliment.”_

_“Don’t let it go to your head, Juno. And regardless, since this show has been so tied up in how news has been breaking, the family has decided that you should pursue a more... investigative angle.”_

_“What.”  
“Murder-mystery reality shows are all the rage now. And with the head of Kanagawa Industries so publicly... dispatched, shall we say, we can use any boost in ratings we can get.”_

_“But–“_

_“I’ll leave the details to you. I have a funeral to arrange, and grieving children to manage. Goodbye Juno, Rita. Temp, whatever your name was.” Click. Dial tone._

_“Well. It seems like we finally have that direction Croesus was encouraging, eh Juno?”_

_“Rita, you’re fired.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this au is so much fun but also writing of any kind has been so ridiculously hard lately i have ... no idea what i'm doing. 
> 
> important note, in case you were worried! rita is not actually fired, that's Juno's cry for help in this universe too. yeehaw.
> 
> ur comments & kudos mean the world, and may even encourage me to write faster!

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the tags, this is completely self indulgent, mostly to see if i could fit these two premises together in a way that made sense. if you want to see more of this story, though, i have lots of ideas for continuing it so by all means let me know!
> 
> also, in case you were wondering, the phone number mentioned spells out jupeter. because i'm a sap, also this is my fic so i make the rules. ain't life grand?
> 
> i'm @sasqwitch on tumblr and twitter, feel free to come yell at me or send prompts or pictures of giraffes.


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